To whom it may concern…
To the Mom, the Dad …to the Caregiver …the advocate, YOU are a warrior. It’s an unwanted stage that we perform on. We never thought that we would have to speak out about the things we have seen or the places we have been. Through no fault of our own, we work to be the margin. We work tirelessly to be the wall between our children and the broken system that is supposed to help but often harms them. It’s not one’s fault right? It just is what it is….except who really pays for the lack? Who is impacted the most by the fractured “support” that we are suppose to lean into in hard times. It’s our most precious ones….our vulnerable children who, through no fault of their own, are hurting and suffering. It is said that today, in 2023, children everywhere are affected much more deeply by trauma, prenatal exposure, abuse, neglect….. and the list goes on. It’s heartbreaking to see the horrific circumstances that our children are facing.
I am a natural Birth mother, former Foster mother and an Adoptive mother who is deep in the trenches of raising children who are, literally, fighting every single day to be ok. They may not have been naturally born to me but I love them and I FIGHT for them every second of every day. Recently I have been made aware that our struggle, which is truly uncommon, is not a struggle that people understand. I’m sure most have heard that we are in the midst of a deep mental health crisis in our nation, and according to Mental Health America in 2022, our state of Oregon ranked dead last for access to mental Health Care for adults and 45th place for Youth. To some this is just another sad statistic. We blame the Covid Pandemic, we blame the President and lawmakers, the Pharmaceutical Industry….. the list of reasons goes on and on. I’m sure if I wanted to I could fill pages and pages on the subject - but here is the thing: this is not going to change our story today. It will not answer my children’s questions about why they can’t get the help they need. The only way change can happen is for a large amount of people to shed light on this incredibly complex issue that so many families are experiencing. I am one mom, but I represent many, many other families who are battling the system and jumping through hoops in hopes of finding answers and treatment for their children. I believe it’s important for others to understand what people are really experiencing when they have a child who is experiencing the impacts of trauma, Prenatal Exposure and Mental Illness….let's call it the Trifecta that I believe most, if not ALL, children who are coming out of the foster care system are experiencing. In our case we have multiple children on this spectrum and more than one has needed extra support already in their young lives. We have unfortunately seen a lot in the past few years. We are well versed in the terminology - Level C outpatient mental health services and as the intensity rose so did our level of care. Welcome Level D services, in-home therapists, Behaviorists, wrap around services and if I could somehow quantify the amount of hours I have spent doing intakes and assessment paperwork ……it would be endless. I have told the hard and deeply personal stories of my children. I have shared the the challenges and concerns with those who I believe truly want to help our family. I’ve met real life SUPER HERO’S who have fought along side us as we looked for help within the system. Sadly, those amazing people are fighting an uphill battle. When things came to a head we were told to head to the hospital. The hope was a deeper look into what the challenges were. The truth was explained quickly and sometimes without a care that since we had “such an incredible outpatient team” we would do better at home, because to gain a bed in a qualified children’s psychiatric hospital was a near impossible gamble. So we left only to return less than a month later this time with more confidence that we were out of options at home. With the encouragement of our out-patient team that we truly needed a deeper look…we went back. We understood the wait would be days and maybe weeks but it would be worth it because we would get a bed eventually and then the specific care teams at the only child psychiatric hospital in Oregon would be the place we would finally receive the help we needed.
Let me take a moment to share that to get to this point on the journey a parent has sat through hundreds of hours of therapy with their children. They have tried all the other special therapies…. they have probably tried all the special diets in hopes that they can find ways to help their children to experience the world in a less sharp way. They have probably needed the support of medication for their children so that again, life will be experienced with a little more ease and possibility. They have turned themselves inside out trying to note changes and side affects and they live for those appointments each week where they will try to cram everything they see happening into the 30 minutes they have with their child’s doctor. They have cried more tears and worried more than they have enjoyed other parts of their life. They have learned all the places NOT to take their children due to triggers and nearly every relationship they have has been changed completely and sadly some have been lost completely. They have sought out their own mental health therapy and they live daily with guilt and sometimes even shame of how this whole thing is impacting the rest of the family. So this sets the stage - I’m sure you can see it now. This tired parent has arrived back at the hospital for the umpteenth time and they are bracing themselves for a battle but they at least know that soon they will gain access to the specialized care of a children’s psychiatric hospital…..that was the plan.
So once this elusive and exclusive bed has been found, granted - however you say it because it’s insanity to talk about the waiting list and how that works…or how it doesn’t work. You get ready to transfer to said hospital. You would think in 2023 there would be a great process that somehow eases the way a child enters a psychiatric hospital but there is just not. In the midst of reminding yourself a million times a day that this is really best -this is what you all have been waiting for. You will pack up your child and place your vulnerable precious child in the back of a transport vehicle. You see, your not allowed to drive your child yourself in a vehicle that they are familiar with….due to insurance viewing your departure in your own vehicle as “leaving Hospital Care”, you will place your child in what looks like a retired Police Car, or maybe a cab at best. This car will likely have a plexiglass window separating them from the driver. They will be asked to remove their shoes and ride with strangers to an unfamiliar place. IF your lucky enough to have your transport arrive on time and your admission to the “Last option in Oregon for your children to go for for that specialized Psychiatric care” is scheduled during the visiting hours time - you will get to help them settle in. While I completely understand that every scenario is different, it’s completely shocking to me that a child - one who has already been through the ordeal of a regular hospital stay where you hear all day long how rare it is that said child could really be experiencing something so intense and disturbing as to warrant a stay on a psych floor. That same child is expected to be admitted in this way and then stay with such minimal support and engagement from their parents. The very fact that a parent is submitting themselves and their child to this experience should show how INTENSE things had become. We have come to accept that sometimes separation is a part of the deal when your working within a Psychiatric Hospital stay, its very difficult on families to have 2 hour visit blocks but we understand that sometimes that’s necessary for good observation to occur as well as giving your child to adjust to the environment of a MILEU setting. It would be nice for doctors and nursing staff to try and remember how this looks and feels to a parent or caregiver. We go from being 100% responsible for the care of our children to being a small part of the “team”. It can definitely feel like you’re being cut off and discounted. It’s difficult to remember that this is where you wanted to be when you suddenly realize you have only a quick 15 minute opportunity to share your child’s whole history and reasons for being there. You come to the conclusion almost immediately that the moment you are admitted, it’s a race to see how fast they can get you out again. You will hear the words “ this is an acute stabilization stay” over and over. Do you get the sense you’re being rushed? That’s because you are. In our story we learned quickly that the point was not a deeper look, it was not more evaluation or time to see how med changes went. We understood that we are in a crisis and truthfully the doctors, nurses, therapists - all the people who are working within this mess of a system all have said the same thing over and over again. Their “hands are tied” so we finished our stay only to have our child discharged quickly - the day after she had completed a partial med wash. We took her home with no plan of action other than to accept more services….her medications had all been changed and most had been decreased - which on one hand is fine because we needed to know what was working and what wasn’t but the real question was what would we do now? Home without a clear plan….our child was still suffering. In-fact now things were worse. At the moment the only choice was to start the whole process over. The merry go round of assessments, intakes, more information given…more numbers to call and warnings given “If things get worse call the crisis line or go to the Hospital…..again and then what?
Today I sit here in the heaviness of what’s happened to my daughter, to our entire family as a result of the road we have been on. We have begun once again trying to find help for our family….for my little girl who has already walked through fire. She has lived through being removed from her biological family’s home where she and her siblings endured untold trauma, abuse and neglect. She has worked so hard to overcome fear and has grown in so many ways. However, she has a heavy load to bare, she is working through trauma, with a brain that was impacted deeply by alcohol and drugs, she also has significant mental health needs….all of this makes a complicated maze to work through. So what choice do I as her mother have? I begin again to jump through hoops, filling out endless piles of paperwork in search of the support and answers that she needs. We work every single day to create what is not attainable through systems here in Oregon. That’s not to say that we don’t have people within this system that have been incredibly helpful, completely dedicated and so kind. We have met some of the best therapists and doctors but always they run into the same walls…not enough skilled and knowledgable people, not enough resources, no place with available beds to send families in crisis to. There is only one place in Oregon for children to go for inpatient psychiatric care, because of that fact alone - there are not enough beds, people are burned out! Doctors are trying to see patients and give them good care but how can they when there is no place to put them. So children are “treated and streeted” and my daughter is one of them, and so the cycle continues. What is the answer? I wish that I had one, so for now I wait and watch and do the next things on the list - praying for a different outcome. I won’t give up, I’ll keep fighting, and now I’m sounding the alarm. We are in trouble here in Oregon. We are losing our kids within a system that is hurting more than it is helping. It’s time to shed light on the real condition of things for families like mine.
Deeply in the trenches,
Summer